Being Alone:  Why Is It Taboo?

In recent times I’ve become increasingly aware of my solitude.   I would probably not even notice that I’m doing something wrong were it not for men and women in my life saying things such as,

“You’re so good at doing things on your own [traveling, driving, attending festivals, etc.].  Aren’t you [afraid]?”

“Do you have a boyfriend yet?”  (Didn’t you ask me this last month?)

“Who are you going with?” every single time I mention my plans for the weekend.

My favorite, by far, has been from the Canadian/US border patrol agent:  “Do you often travel alone?” as he peered suspiciously at the back seat of my car.

I was tempted to respond, “Don’t you see my friend back there?  He’s kind of shy.”  I suppressed that urge, however, since I didn’t want to spend my time in border detention for being a smartass.

These random comments in the past few years have lead me to question, is being alone and single taboo in this day and age?  It’s 2013.  Women live on their own, support themselves, and choose how to live out their relationships.  More surprising to me is that other women expect me to depend on another person for my happiness either momentarily or permanently.  Seriously?  I cherish certain people and their company.  Yet I do not necessarily want to share my life moments with them all the time.

As someone who spent several years in a relationship, I know the ups and downs and the psychology of being with someone 24/7.  My conclusion from it all:  none of it is worth it unless both of you are in love with each other and are strong enough to work through the changes that eventually come with life.  Strength is the key word.  Most people don’t have it, I’ve come to realize.  They are weak, they give in to temptations that hurt others, and they get complexes which make them humiliate and degrade the person they are supposed to love.   Do I really want to have all that in my life again?

“Don’t give up.  You’ll find someone eventually.” 

I laugh inside whenever someone tells me this because, why do I have to search?  Am I supposed to be constantly searching for the perfect love because that is the end goal for being a woman?  For being a person, period?  Am I less than a person because I am single and not part of a couple?  Is it wrong?  Did I miss out on something this past decade that being single now makes you a social pariah?  Or are we still really just stuck in ancient traditional thinking that women are not whole without a man?

Outside of work and other obligations, I love my freedom to think, to feel, to do whatever I want at any time.  When physically with another person, you tend to bend all that to conform and act as a mini-group.  This interaction is great with friends, but you are not with friends 24/7.  While I applaud all those happy in relationships, I only wish people would stop suggesting that I be in one in order to be happy. (Or maybe they sadistically want me to be in one so I can suffer.)

Don’t get me wrong.  I still believe in true love.  I believe I found it once because he affected me like no other man on Earth, and I saw the potential in a deep, meaningful, and cosmic relationship.  I don’t think he feels the same.  I’ll never know for sure.  Therein lies the perfect excuse in being alone that will appease others:  unrequited love.

ArtGocer