I like to torture myself. That’s why I fall in love with men who don’t want to commit to a real relationship. Whether it is fate that makes me bump into these types of men or my subconscience that seeks them out I don’t know.

All I know is that it seems much easier to manage a relationship when you know you can control the amount of emotion and emotional investment you put in without having to consider the other party’s feelings. You already know they don’t really care about you or like that movie says, "He’s Not That Into You." In this approach there is no one to blame but yourself when the union ends because only you were the one living in the fantasy. Any hurt you feel was born out of your imagination and not truly genuine. Life goes on when another fantasy materializes.

The key word is fantasy. It’s all in your head. It will make you appear helpless and unfocused but you are as strong as your imagination.

Honestly, I wouldn’t know how to react if a guy said to me with genuine conviction,

"I love you with all my heart and soul.
You are my sun, moon, my universe.
Your breath is my breath.
Your pulse, my pulse.
Before you there was only darkness.
Now you are my light, my inner fire…"

Then I would think there really is a God.

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