Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love.

That’s the Way It Goes

What I Want

What I Need

What I Get

Being Alone:  Why Is It Taboo?

In recent times I’ve become increasingly aware of my solitude.   I would probably not even notice that I’m doing something wrong were it not for men and women in my life saying things such as,

“You’re so good at doing things on your own [traveling, driving, attending festivals, etc.].  Aren’t you [afraid]?”

“Do you have a boyfriend yet?”  (Didn’t you ask me this last month?)

“Who are you going with?” every single time I mention my plans for the weekend.

My favorite, by far, has been from the Canadian/US border patrol agent:  “Do you often travel alone?” as he peered suspiciously at the back seat of my car.

I was tempted to respond, “Don’t you see my friend back there?  He’s kind of shy.”  I suppressed that urge, however, since I didn’t want to spend my time in border detention for being a smartass.

These random comments in the past few years have lead me to question, is being alone and single taboo in this day and age?  It’s 2013.  Women live on their own, support themselves, and choose how to live out their relationships.  More surprising to me is that other women expect me to depend on another person for my happiness either momentarily or permanently.  Seriously?  I cherish certain people and their company.  Yet I do not necessarily want to share my life moments with them all the time.

As someone who spent several years in a relationship, I know the ups and downs and the psychology of being with someone 24/7.  My conclusion from it all:  none of it is worth it unless both of you are in love with each other and are strong enough to work through the changes that eventually come with life.  Strength is the key word.  Most people don’t have it, I’ve come to realize.  They are weak, they give in to temptations that hurt others, and they get complexes which make them humiliate and degrade the person they are supposed to love.   Do I really want to have all that in my life again?

“Don’t give up.  You’ll find someone eventually.” 

I laugh inside whenever someone tells me this because, why do I have to search?  Am I supposed to be constantly searching for the perfect love because that is the end goal for being a woman?  For being a person, period?  Am I less than a person because I am single and not part of a couple?  Is it wrong?  Did I miss out on something this past decade that being single now makes you a social pariah?  Or are we still really just stuck in ancient traditional thinking that women are not whole without a man?

Outside of work and other obligations, I love my freedom to think, to feel, to do whatever I want at any time.  When physically with another person, you tend to bend all that to conform and act as a mini-group.  This interaction is great with friends, but you are not with friends 24/7.  While I applaud all those happy in relationships, I only wish people would stop suggesting that I be in one in order to be happy. (Or maybe they sadistically want me to be in one so I can suffer.)

Don’t get me wrong.  I still believe in true love.  I believe I found it once because he affected me like no other man on Earth, and I saw the potential in a deep, meaningful, and cosmic relationship.  I don’t think he feels the same.  I’ll never know for sure.  Therein lies the perfect excuse in being alone that will appease others:  unrequited love.

After the 992nd straight day of him in my thoughts, I’ve come to realize I’m in love with a wandering ghost.

In his eyes I saw my escape
Feeling secure, knowing he would protect me
Come to me, be my love, they beckoned
I left my resistance behind
Running for my love, for my life
In his eyes I saw forever
Engulfed in fiery love.

Do not seek the because – in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.
~Anais Nin

Would you ever love me enough to kiss me passionately in the pouring rain?

from The Notebook

I used to think that true love didn’t happen unless two people simultaneously came together in a cosmic emotional collision. It couldn’t be considered “true” unless both fell in love with each other at the same time, and it had to be “electric” in nature. Lately I have rethought that idea, coming to the conclusion that only one person is needed for true love to happen.

I found true love, for he exists in this world, and no one else can or will replace what he makes me think and feel. Whether or not he feels the same way, I have not confirmed it, for I may never physically see him again. It is easier for me to think that he never thinks about me or considers me anything more than what it was – a passing fling.

A long period of time has passed, and yet almost everyday I think of him. I have done my utmost best to forget him and cleanse him from my system, taking on boyfriends and temporary affairs. No one “electrifies me” like he does. Nothing has worked. Remaining busy has not kept my thoughts from straying to visualize him in my head at odd moments, times when my brain seems to “breathe.”

Thus, I have resigned myself to the idea that he is The One, the absolute one. I will let him invade my being at anytime without second thought. His photo will stay as my cellphone wallpaper and I will tell people he is just a model I downloaded from the internet. No one will know I have tasted those lips and lost myself in his eyes.

What She Says or Thinks  / What He Says or Thinks

When I’m with him he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
When she’s with me I get so hard and horny nothing else matters.
Sex is so beautiful and a transcendental experience between us.
Sex is awesome and she does this thing with her ….
I think I’m in love with him.
I think I could keep her as a regular.
I can imagine growing old with him.
I can imagine her old and I’m a little scared.  
When I’m not with him I miss him so much.
When I’m not with her I think of going skiing.
My sex dreams are filled with him.
My sex dreams are filled with her and a few other women.
I would do anything for him; he’s my one true love.
I would do anything for her unless I have to move out of state.
No one is sexier than he is when he’s with me.
No one is sexier than she is when she’s with me except when someone hotter gets in my line of sight.
I want to bear his children.
Who’s talking about kids?
It’s Valentine’s Day; I hope we do something special and romantic.
Sticky note on bathroom mirror: “Buy her flowers and take her to dinner. Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day.”