Who Am I – Tweet and Find Out


Who am I? No, I won’t bother actually telling you, but having read tweets by horoscope enthusiasts, I can give you a breakdown of what I’m like according to tweets from @Pisces_Women.

  • #PiscesWomen may seem transparent….but what you see is only a piece of it all.
  • #PiscesWomen are extremely compassionate…..but it has a limit and is not given to everyone.
  • #PiscesWomen are not perfect… but are the closest you will ever get to the complete package.
  • #PiscesWomen have a talent for predicting the outcome of situations…even when she hopes she is wrong…she isn’t.
  • Searching for signs and meaning behind everything… #PiscesWomen confuse themselves
  • I proceed into this beautiful mistake… even though I know what the outcome will be. #PiscesWomen
  • You’re the enemy…but feel like a savior. #PiscesWomen
  • With you I feel alive…. #PiscesWomen
  • It would be wise for me to not let it get too deep…because I will be the one that drowns. #PiscesWomen
  • Reality says we will never be….you’re what I want…but not what I need. #PiscesWomen
  • You feel amazing to my body & spirit…but bring confusion to my mind…and pain to my heart. #PiscesWomen
  • #PiscesWomen are extremely sympathetic…but she will only want to listen to the same sob story once.
  • #PiscesWomen always understand your perspective…even if she doesn’t agree.
  • If you allow her to open her heart and imagination to you….she will take you to the highest levels of ecstasy #PiscesWomen
  • #PiscesWomen can’t stay mad long…she is usually always willing to forgive and forget…especially if you have a place in her heart.
  • #PiscesWomen choose lovers that can be challenging. She feels compelled to show him what love really is…
  • #PiscesWomen allow you to take the lead…she knows how to be the woman…just play your part as her man.
  • It’s so annoying when she really wants to “do this”….but her intuition is screaming “do that” #PiscesWomen
  • #PiscesWomen need an adventurous, intriguing, exciting individual to bring out the sultry side. No practical, serious energy please.
  • A #PiscesWoman’s mind is only off during moments of passion…when all of her other senses are opened.
  • #PiscesWomen have a soothing, but powerful presence
  • Sex is more than sex for #PiscesWomen. To her your souls, minds, bodies, and hearts merge in those moments.
  • #PiscesWomen ……. a Queen….in search of her Bad Boy King
  • It takes one jolt of reality to put things in perspective for #PiscesWomen then she takes it for what it is.
  • The way I feel when I’m with you…makes me go against my better judgement. #PiscesWomen
  • Subtly seductive…. #PiscesWomen
  • Delicately complex…. #PiscesWomen
  • With the right approach….you never know…. she just might. #PiscesWomen live in the now…
  • Theres something about me….that makes me unforgettable. Remember that…before you’re forgotten. #PiscesWomen
  • The rush #PiscesWomen feel when she sees the right name on her phone, at the right time…is part of the addicting excitement.
  • #PiscesWomen have extremely optimistic hope…with a realistic view, and an annoyingly powerful intuition.
  • The way I’m feeling….baby this just can’t be wrong. #PiscesWomanThought
  • #PiscesWomen want it all… but aren’t the type to demand it. She wants the meaning behind it…when it happens on it’s own.
  • #PiscesWomen are not afraid to let loose. Lost in the moment…she won’t care about the surroundings.
  • The emotions of a #PiscesWoman …..always changing, always shifting, always different, always powerful.
  • #PiscesWomen usually end up regretting their acts of kindess….
  • If her heart is involved… it all changes. #PiscesWomen
  • Even though incredibly passive, #PiscesWomen will check you as soon as you talk to her in a condescending, or hateful way.
  • Freedom. #PiscesWomen need that.
  • If a #PiscesWoman tells you she isn’t like other women… believe her.
  • #PiscesWomen are always on the fence about about something…. but she believes time will reveal the answer she is looking for.
  • I didn’t change…I’m still me….I just stopped being your doormat…and you obviously don’t know how to handle that. #PiscesWomanThought
  • #PiscesWomen have no problem giving you what you want… just ask:)
  • Shopping with a #PiscesWoman? Be prepared to wait, her indecisiveness and the beauty of retail will have you there for a while:)
  • There is usually no fully redeeming yourself with #PiscesWomen , once the line is crossed, there is not crossing back over.
  • Even when you have done her wrong time and time again… #PiscesWomen still feel sympathy for when karma comes around to bite you
  • Even when heated, #PiscesWomen try to understand your point in the argument
  • Just know…that a #PiscesWoman…knows more than you think she knows.
  • If only you could mix and match with qualities of men…I’ll take his smile, with his ambition, and this ones sex… #PiscesWomenThought
  • #PiscesWomen can drive themselves crazy by thinking…analyzing…interpreting…and wondering.
  • The emotions of #PiscesWomen come & go…the only feelings that linger are heartbreak and love. Emotions that move the soul…
  • #PiscesWomen can be pretty unfiltered at times, she doesn’t strive to offend…but if she does…it won’t really bother her.
  • #PiscesWomen have an artistic view on the world around her….any moment can be made into a movie scene in her imagination.
  • #PiscesWomen dabble in a little of everything…her interests vary from day to day or week to week.
  • #PiscesWomen win over so many because she talks the talk…and others envy her because she walks the walk as well.

In summary, I’m just like any other Pisces woman out there. 😉

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David Beckham Moment

I left him there that morning, half asleep, half in shock of what we had done the night before.

He had kissed my neck as I turned and said to him, “No, I’m done with you.” I moved away, his hands caressing down my arm to entrap my hand.

“Don’t leave me this way,” he said with a heavy roughness in his voice. “All I need is you.”

I kissed him softly and bit his lower lip. “Goodbye, sweetcheeks.”

The beautiful David Beckham.

In Memory of Whitney Houston

In Memory of Whitney Houston
August 9, 1963 ~ February 11, 2012

If there’s one Whitney Houston song I consider my absolute favorite, this would be the one, the one that defines me now and forever.

I Have Nothing
from the soundtrack to the 1992 film, The Bodyguard

Share my life, take me for what I am
Cause I’ll never change all my colors for you
Take my love, I’ll never ask for too much
Just all that you are and everything that you do

I don’t really need to look very much further
I don’t want to have to go where you don’t follow
I won’t hold it back again, this passion inside
Can’t run from myself
There’s nowhere to hide

Well don’t make me close one more door
I don’t wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Must I imagine you there
Don’t walk away from me
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don’t have you

You see through, right to the heart of me
You break down my walls with the strength of your love
I never knew love like I’ve known it with you
Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to

I don’t really need to look very much further
I don’t want to have to go where you don’t follow
I won’t hold it back again, this passion inside
Can’t run from myself
There’s nowhere to hide
Your love I’ll remember, forever

Don’t make me close one more door …

True Love

I used to think that true love didn’t happen unless two people simultaneously came together in a cosmic emotional collision. It couldn’t be considered “true” unless both fell in love with each other at the same time, and it had to be “electric” in nature. Lately I have rethought that idea, coming to the conclusion that only one person is needed for true love to happen.

I found true love, for he exists in this world, and no one else can or will replace what he makes me think and feel. Whether or not he feels the same way, I have not confirmed it, for I may never physically see him again. It is easier for me to think that he never thinks about me or considers me anything more than what it was – a passing fling.

A long period of time has passed, and yet almost everyday I think of him. I have done my utmost best to forget him and cleanse him from my system, taking on boyfriends and temporary affairs. No one “electrifies me” like he does. Nothing has worked. Remaining busy has not kept my thoughts from straying to visualize him in my head at odd moments, times when my brain seems to “breathe.”

Thus, I have resigned myself to the idea that he is The One, the absolute one. I will let him invade my being at anytime without second thought. His photo will stay as my cellphone wallpaper and I will tell people he is just a model I downloaded from the internet. No one will know I have tasted those lips and lost myself in his eyes.

Long Blonde Hair Bands

In the ‘80s and 90’s – much until Grunge overtook the music scene – my personal life revolved around the music scene both local and national.  As a buyer for a record store (those buildings where you actually had to go in to purchase music on a record, tape, or compact disc, and are now rare) I had access to concerts and after parties regularly.  Through my boyfriend at the time, who worked at concerts around the city, and sometimes in the outer regions, I had double access to concerts, backstage as well as after parties, too.

Long hair was everywhere at the time, and backstage, groupies as young as twelve constantly tried to sneak their way in to see their favorite guys after the shows were over.  Some of them made it in, and who knows what illegal trysts went on inside those dressing rooms.  All I can say is that there was usually a lot of alcohol being passed around and hair spray was rampant.

I never was really interested in the guys in the bands unless they were onstage in the midst of their musical ecstasy, thrashing their beautiful long blonde locks around with abandon. I was a good girl at the time, and I remained faithful to the boyfriend despite numerous attempts at rendezvousing with me by both men and women.  Alas, I went weak with one, and he wasn’t even in a band.  I was so enthralled by his boldness at kissing me more than I was by his persona.  Thus began my love affair with long blonde hair; I thought it was deliciously in contrast to my boyfriend’s long black wavy hair, and both were over six feet tall to my relative under five feet stature.  Yet one of them called me Princess.

Velvet Revolver – Fall to Pieces
This was more after the hair bands but felt I had to include them in here.   I never got to see this group perform together but only while they were in their separate bands – Guns ‘n’ Roses (Slash) and Stone Temple Pilots (Scott Weiland).  I think it was Scott Weiland who once gently took my shoulders and turned me aside as I stood at the backstage door talking with the boyfriend so he could pass through, saying something like ‘excuse me, honey/sugar/babe.’  I remember his burgundy pin-striped suit more, thinking how oddly eccentric he should be wearing it (on second thought it could’ve been Layne Staley of Alice in Chains because of a beard on his chin but I can’t picture him in a suit).

Some of the Hair Bands and Ballads~

Whitesnake – Here I Go Again
His wife, actress and model Tawny Kitaen is in the video.

Bad English – When I See You Smile
I used to use John Waite’s (the lead singer) name whenever I went on my midnight excursions across the border to Canada.  They would ask where and who I was going to see, and the only Canadian name I could think of was his.  Nowadays they ask if I always travel alone, and I always want to tell them my friend in the back seat has a tendency to become invisible when he’s nervous.

Warrant – Heaven
I went to an after party with Warrant and their opening act (can’t remember the name, only that most of them were long-haired blondes), whose lead singer kept calling me beautiful and autographed a photo and gave it to me, unsolicited.

Poison – Every Rose Has Its Thorn
Bret Michaels has gone downhill, but he still thinks he can get those young groupies.

Intensity

The Plutchik Model of Emotions
(I’m not going into the psychology of emotions right now but wanted to share the link for information. I am, however, a bit perturbed that purple embodies disgust.)

Today, after a meeting at work, I was told by a colleague that I was intense and scary. He told me that as I was speaking his knees were literally shaking. I was scary. The first thing that popped out of my mouth was, “You haven’t met my mother.” While I found it funny because I’ve never seen myself as an intense person, and I could think of others who I find intense and never able to relax around them, I started to seriously think outside myself.

What do I do now? Do I start to become a meeker person than I truly am so I become “normal” and more acceptable to people? True, I am passionate about things or people I believe in and will follow that road to a point, not necessarily to the end, as I inadvertently lose interest or become distracted by another passion. I am at odds because some people think I’m too quiet and meek already, so where is this “intensity” coming from?

Maybe I should just go live in the jungle among the trees and monkeys where I belong, eating bananas and swinging on vines.

300 Revisited: It’s Sexy When A King Loves His Queen

300

It’s been about five years since the film came out. Watching it again with some female friends I once again experienced the sexiness of all that testosterone onscreen, wondering why aren’t there men that beautiful and manly hanging around my world? I love that King Leonidas (Gerard Butler), as powerful as he was, turned to his wife because she was his partner, his love – that is so intensely sexy.

Some of my favorite moments in clips:

This is Sparta!

King Leonidas in action.

Stelios (Michael Fassbender) “Then we will fight in the shade!

“My Queen. My wife. My love.”

Fate

~by Iza87 @ Deviant Art

The dark stormy skies echo my heart today. I realize more than ever that there is no hope for love anymore, that there is no special someone for me, that true love and soulmates don’t exist, and I am alone in my heart. All my life I’ve waited and searched for The One. Today I feel he does not exist in this world. I was not meant to be with or belong to anyone. The dream I had was just a dream and nothing more. I am accepting my fate, and my heart breaks endlessly.

Restoration

Kivanc Tatlitug

I laid my head against his chest, and he held me close. ‘I will not cry,’ I admonished myself in silence. He wanted to know what was bothering me and why I was sad. I hesitated to tell him at first. I didn’t want to lose him as well, for he was a possible future and potential love. However, as a test of his strength and faith in me, I told him the truth.

“I had been seeing someone when I met you. He wasn’t a boyfriend. It was simply a sex thing. In time I fell in love with him. Then he told me was married.”

He stared at me with those vibrant blue eyes and calmly said, “Men are jerks. I’m sorry it happened to you. I should have been there for you.” With that, he pulled me close to him.

Suddenly my world felt a bit calmer, knowing he was around. I knew I couldn’t love him at the moment but I needed him. It seemed forever that I could admit I needed anyone at all, feeling mostly self assured. Lately that had changed and I’ve had zero confidence in myself and my future.

He took my hand and held it close to his heart. “Do not worry about a thing. I will try not to be so busy that I don’t have time for you. Everything will be okay.”

He kissed me gently and I felt his heart beat faster. I knew I had found someone special.

She Says He Says

What She Says or Thinks  / What He Says or Thinks

When I’m with him he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
When she’s with me I get so hard and horny nothing else matters.
Sex is so beautiful and a transcendental experience between us.
Sex is awesome and she does this thing with her ….
I think I’m in love with him.
I think I could keep her as a regular.
I can imagine growing old with him.
I can imagine her old and I’m a little scared.  
When I’m not with him I miss him so much.
When I’m not with her I think of going skiing.
My sex dreams are filled with him.
My sex dreams are filled with her and a few other women.
I would do anything for him; he’s my one true love.
I would do anything for her unless I have to move out of state.
No one is sexier than he is when he’s with me.
No one is sexier than she is when she’s with me except when someone hotter gets in my line of sight.
I want to bear his children.
Who’s talking about kids?
It’s Valentine’s Day; I hope we do something special and romantic.
Sticky note on bathroom mirror: “Buy her flowers and take her to dinner. Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day.”

The Green

Love and Affection
by The Green

I’m currently obsessing on this song by The Green, a reggae band from Hawaii. They recently toured my area and my sister and niece had the opportunity to see them in concert. I had never heard of them before, and my sister’s shoutout for them didn’t faze me much. It wasn’t until I was riding in my friend’s car on our way to see another reggae band, a local one originating from Hawaii, Kore Ionz, that I got exposed to this song – several times, in fact, since my friend was also obsessing on it.

Chemistry

Today was going to be the final night, she told herself. She had enough of the ambiguity, the relationship of the non-relationship. What made him so special that he was irreplaceable, anyway? All they had together was what happened in the bedroom and didn’t venture outside of that area. She could easily find another lover just as good or even better. No words of love were ever exchanged, making the strong argument that it wasn’t necessary to continue the arrangement.

The door opened and he stood smiling at her, seemingly happy to see her. She fell into his arms and kissed him. His lips felt full and soft against hers, and she tasted its sweetness. He helped her pull off her boots and he followed behind her to his bedroom. She could feel his stare unlike at other times they were together.

‘What is going on,’ she thought to herself. There was a strong current passing through them, and she felt herself being pulled closer to him. He was more fiery than usual, yet in tune with her every move. She let him take the lead and gave in to his desires, for suddenly his desires were her own. They moved in sync with each other, a desperate passion driving them to near frenzy.

In the quiet of the afterstorm they lay together, his arms gently holding her close. She felt her heartbreat throbbing and was sure he could hear it outside her heart. As she watched his beautiful face at rest she wondered why he wasn’t as talkative as usual. It didn’t matter; she didn’t feel like talking either. She was more than content to lay against him and try to still her heart.

She remembered what she had planned to do earlier and realized it was an impossibilty. The chemistry they had together was rare, even for her, and she wasn’t ready to give that up just yet.

Andrei Andrei

What Women Talk About

What Women Talk About

I’m thinking this will be a sort of series so this is only one of more to come.

Guys: if you are on a dating site or not on a dating site and are thinking of sending a photo of your privates to a potential partner, remember this:

Women do talk about your penises. They discuss the size, shape, width, length, and even the color of your prized asset. Even after you have sealed the deal, they will discuss your ability to use such asset. In detail they describe to each other how you perform, your finer points, and your worst moments or attributes.

Never assume yours is the best they will or have ever had. That is a guaranteed 100% fallacy. You can, however count on the fact that your penis will be well discussed in their arena of friends.

Encounter

Atesh Salih

It was time to for him to go, and I watched his every move, his every blink of the eye, his every breath which rose inside his chest.  He was the epitome of beauty, masculine yet delicate in his countenance.  I still felt the warmth of his lips on mine, his arms around me, and his words, “I live for you.”

I knew it was a lie.  He was leaving me, as he always does, to go home to his wife.  We had an arrangement, and it worked well for both of us.  Yet he insisted on saying sweet nothings to me  throughout the night, as if I needed it to survive the encounter.  It was a game we played:  pretend we were in love in the brief moments we spent together each week.

Only in my case, I did love him and would go to the ends of the earth for him. It was wrong and I knew it, yet I could not stop myself or end the affair.  He made my heart soar as no one else ever has, and I didn’t want to let go of the happiness which seemed so precious and rare.  All I could do is give him everything I am when I am with him.  If the time came for my heart to shatter into a thousand pieces I will deal with it as I always have.  I have not died yet.

I moved behind him on the bed and and placed my arms around his chest, planting a soft kiss on his neck.  He turned and lifted me over, laying me against him on his lap.  His eyes searched deeply into my own, then said in a heavy whisper, “Marry me.”

I laughed.  “Did you suddenly forget you’re already married?”

He smiled widely, his eyes twinkling in the candlelight.  “Remember that things aren’t always as they seem.”

He got up, picked up his tie without putting it on, and left towards the door.  I sat stunned and baffled at his words.  Was this part of the game?  As I watched his backside walking away, I became awed with his physique and lost my thought.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On
“The tiny shell with two feet and one eye is the creation of former SNL-actress and comedian Jenny Slate and her fiancé Dean Fleischer-Camp. Marcel made his Internet debut last year, and racked up more than 12 million views on YouTube.”

The newly released video:

The original video:

For endless giggles in my own universe.

The Box

Image by Maylar @ Deviant Art

  
  
  Darkness is my strength
  When love is my weakness
  It is the box that keeps
  The shattered pieces
  Of my broken heart
  Until the time comes
  When a stronger love
  Makes it whole again
  Only that day does not
  Come soon enough.

IMMORTALS Film Review 11.11.11

IMMORTALS Film Review
from Ones2Watch4

Immortals, directed by Tarsem Singh, is not for the faint of heart.  Plenty of blood-spurting action and tough one on one combat make no excuses when it comes to graphic depictions.  It could be addicting to say the least if you love the type of action sequences as seen in the film 300 or love graphic novel films in general.  Similar in its cinematic look and feel as 300, Immortals takes it a step further in 3D CGI graphics with epic tidal waves, cities built within cliffs, monumental dwellings, and earthly views from the heavens.

Based on Greek mythology but with its own twists and turns, the story revolves around Theseus (Henry Cavill), a peasant bastard who becomes the hero and leads the army against King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) and his legion of scarred, mask-wearing, sadistic warriors.  Zeus (Luke Evans) and the Olympians view the carnage from above until there is no other choice left towards the end.  King Hyperion, intent on obtaining the Bow of Epirus with its magical powers, maims and kills at his whim, yet he tries to bring Theseus to his side.  Phaedra the Virgin Oracle (Freida Pinto) reveals to Theseus his destiny and brings him back to the source of the conflict.

A beautiful cast of gods, a goddess, creepy oracles, and hunky soldiers, Immortals lives up to its epic feel cinematically.  Its action sequences are nonstop with thrilling suspense at every turn.  This leaves little room for a dramatic storyline but its actors have done a decent job with their screen time.  Henry Cavill plays his role stoically with heroic countenance, cementing his appeal in his future role as Superman.  Luke Evans portrays Zeus as a strong yet compassionate father figure of the Olympians; even when he has to follow his own words you forgive him of his deed.  Isabel Lucas as Athena, Kellan Lutz as Poseidon, and Daniel Sharman as Aries play the golden clad young beauties who dare to defy Zeus.  Stephen Dorff as Stavros, Theseus’ player sidekick, gives the few moments of lightheartedness in an essentially dark film.  Even Mickey Rourke becomes too involved in his role as a psycho sadistic king.  Freida Pinto is sweetly sensuous as the Virgin Oracle and this role seems to be a turning point for her.

What makes this film amazing is the stunningly beautiful vision of its landscape, the superbly choreographed battle sequences, and its gorgeous stars.  It’s art in motion and available in 3D, which doesn’t necessarily make much of a difference except for a brief period in the ending scene when things are flying at you.  It is a film that needs to be seen on the big screen and in high definition.  For graphic lovers, that means highly defined blood squirts, flying body parts, and kickass fighting.  For manflesh lovers, that means seeing in contoured definition Henry Cavill, Luke Evans, and the rest shirtless and muscle bound in action.  If a sequel is made the gods should get more screen exposure.

Ease

 

My love, ease your mind
My soul is with you always
The time is soon when
My lips will taste yours
My eyes will melt in yours
I will whisper your name
You will feel the echo in your heart. 

Ethnic Tolerance

I grew up in neighborhoods and schools where the minority was the majority and Caucasians were the minority. African-Americans, Africans, Asians, East Indians, Mexicans, and everything mixed or everything else were my world up until I entered the work force. As children we didn’t realize the color of our skin meant more than just the color of our skin. We were all children and our differences were not differences but interesting variations of our race – the human race. We had no boundaries to cross or prejudices to be concerned about. We played, we laughed, we sang, we danced, and we learned together. It was not until we got older that prejudices formed and we wondered if it was always there and we didn’t know about it or did they just surface in the later years?

It all seems sadder now that even worse prejudices exist even today.

While walking yesterday with my dogs, I witnessed a near vehicular homicide. It happened by a mosque, where people were just coming out of – I’m assuming – a service. It was on a business campus with sparse traffic and no sidewalks, but I was still worried about walking the dogs on the streets, having lost my way out of a park. A gentleman crossed the path in front of me with his companion, both dressed in traditional Islamic attire. Suddenly a car pulled up fast and furious, coming straight towards the gentleman, speeding up as if trying to run him down. My heart stopped as my dogs were also in the same path and I didn’t think I could move fast enough to pick them up and move out of the way. The gentleman jumped as the car came within inches of him. He did not curse of swear for such an idiot trying to kill him, but instead looked in curiosity at the car and then towards his friend. ‘Why would someone do that?’ they seemed to say to each other. As the car drove past me I noticed the angered, furrowed face of its Caucasian driver. In shock that someone could be so mean and in front of witnesses, I knew that it was not regular road rage that sparked the incident.

Moving on and trying to calm my nerves, I once again found the park and in its midst there was a picnic party with inflatable bounce castles for kids. I imagined it was a birthday party for a girl who liked castles, and my spirits gave way to a smile. This particular picnic consisted of predominantly people also in Islamic and Arab attire, probably about 300 of them, a huge event. I felt hunger pangs and remembered middle eastern food – lamb kabobs and baba ghanouj – then wished I still had my Arab boyfriend. He would have gone over to them, claimed to be a cousin of some sort, then come back to me with a couple plates of food. It was seeing this family type of affair that brought my hopes up again about the world.

I was thus in a hopeful mood until later that day when I read my Facebook feed, and in its midst, a tirade against Muslims by someone I had called a friend. This so-called friend had made disparaging remarks about Muslims and of the President himself before, but I discounted it as ravings of bipolar disorder or someone simply messed up from life and needed attention. I am now in the midst of deciding whether or not to keep this person as a “friend” on Facebook for I suddenly feel hurt for my other friends who are Islamic, Jewish, Atheist, or any other religion this person deems wrong.

In any case, I am saddened by prejudice.

Non-Commitment

I like to torture myself. That’s why I fall in love with men who don’t want to commit to a real relationship. Whether it is fate that makes me bump into these types of men or my subconscience that seeks them out I don’t know.

All I know is that it seems much easier to manage a relationship when you know you can control the amount of emotion and emotional investment you put in without having to consider the other party’s feelings. You already know they don’t really care about you or like that movie says, "He’s Not That Into You." In this approach there is no one to blame but yourself when the union ends because only you were the one living in the fantasy. Any hurt you feel was born out of your imagination and not truly genuine. Life goes on when another fantasy materializes.

The key word is fantasy. It’s all in your head. It will make you appear helpless and unfocused but you are as strong as your imagination.

Honestly, I wouldn’t know how to react if a guy said to me with genuine conviction,

"I love you with all my heart and soul.
You are my sun, moon, my universe.
Your breath is my breath.
Your pulse, my pulse.
Before you there was only darkness.
Now you are my light, my inner fire…"

Then I would think there really is a God.

Dragon Fruit Update

The curiosity is over.  I ate it and was disappointed.  Expecting it to have the texture similar to radishes – I was told that by someone who loves radishes and had eaten the fruit – I was glad that it didn’t.  Distinctly flavorless as a whole, the soft black seeds give it a fun, crunchy feel in your mouth.  In fact, if there was an easy way to extract the seeds, that is what I would eat instead.  The white pulp around it has a somewhat gelatinous feel, at least when it’s ripe, such as this piece that I ate.  As a tropical fruit, however, it has not a biting taste or sweetness that would make it unforgettable to the senses.  It may, however, be a perfect diet fruit:  I felt full after a couple of slices.

As beautiful as it was on the outside, and even an interesting view once undressed, I have decided this obsession is over.

It’s Only Words

It’s only words, and words are all I have …

I’ve been struggling these past several weeks about this blog site and what exactly it is supposed to represent and what it should represent.  It’s like trying to define and place inside a tidy little box all that is you, your personality, your likes and dislikes, and everything you want to express at any given moment.  Impossible for me – I am undefinable, and I don’t like to be restricted in anything.

I have been told my writings in recent months have been “dark.”  This, on the surface may seem harmless as a statement, but I took it to heart, thinking I didn’t want to depress everyone or anyone who happened to read my blog (a previous one).  Therefore I told myself to try and cut down, tone down, erase altogether, all the writings that were indeed dark or had a dark shade of gray.  I found that, by doing so, I didn’t want to write anything at all, that something inside me wasn’t allowed to express itself, and it turned inward and became my own depression.

Then, the other day, I happened to watch a movie, Anonymous, an alternate story about Shakespeare, Queen Elizabeth, and a nobleman who wrote the works under Shakespeare’s name.  It was a rather dark, thought-provoking, and awesomely shocking version of a piece of history.  Writing was this nobleman’s life, his passion, the core of his existence, and yet he had to hide it because it was considered beneath his station to be a writer.

Never having considered myself a real writer, I nevertheless had an epiphany:  I had let someone else’s opinion of my writings stop me from doing something that was a part of me, of something that was essential to existence, an outlet for creativity I have struggled to maintain my entire life.  I realized that when someone is disturbed by what they read (journalist articles excluded) it reflects on that person’s perception and his own way of dealing with the topic written.  I no longer want be judged for what I write.  I will write whatever, however, and whenever I feel a need to – or maybe not write anything at all because I don’t want to, not because I am afraid to for fear of people’s opinions of me as a person.

It is the death of creativity to fear others’ opinions of your work.

Illusions

I first saw this first print from the bottom of the stairs inside a dark old house in the Philippines.  It was the perfect placement: as you walked closer to it the illusion changed. 

More illusions:

Dating

Okay so I’ve never really been into the dating scene. I’ve gone from one boyfriend to the next ever since I was born. Now that I’m available to do so I find it horrendous. Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s inexperience. I don’t like the pretense , all the falsities, all the endless chit chat to find out who you are, what you are, and if you are worth another date.

I can assess within one minute if you are 1)worth just a one time booty call 2)worth a regular booty call 3)boyfriend or husband material 4)good as a platonic friend 5)a platonic friend that I eventually want to match up with another friend or 6)someone I’d rather send to the jungles of Africa. Therefore the entire hours long date night is unnecessary unless you fall into categories #1-3.

The problem is that it’s rare to find someone who sees it that way, too, and thus uses a more direct approach. However, when that rarity occurs the likely scenario is #1 and #2. If #3 ever happens to me in this lifetime, somewhere in the world pigs are flying.

Dragon Fruit


I went into a small Asian grocery store simply to see what they had as I have never been to that particular one before.  It was distinctively Vietnamese as I could tell by the owners. While in line waiting to pay for the baby bok choy and Chinese broccoli (gai lan), my usual vegetables of choice, I saw these gorgeous pieces of fruit piled up everywhere.  I had only seen them in movies, and there they were beckoning me with their bright pinkish red skin looking almost like artichokes.  Not having eaten one before, I wondered if they needed to be steamed like artichokes and eaten the same way.  I never thought about what may be inside such beautiful structures.

Apparently you peel from the center out, and what you get is freckled meat inside. I have yet to taste it as I didn’t buy one at the time, thinking it may not be an ideal situation to try out new fruit unless you are with company, especially if you are prone to allergic reactions.  This looks really exciting, though, and it has infinite possibilities in use – I’ll have to look up recipes.  Not only is it beautiful, its name is absolutely worthy of my obsession.  Oh, dragon fruit, welcome to my world.

How Can Such a Tiny Creature Freak Me Out

Sometimes you never know how much your pets mean to you until something happens when everything else in the world stops and the moment is frozen with just you and your pet.

Such a moment happened the other morning as I half awoke to the sounds of two pomeranians – the females – roughhousing.  I was too tired to get myself fully awake and separate the two so I let them duke it out until I could fully assess their injuries, which is usually not serious if any at all.  A little hair pulling and scratching here and there and they are good to go afterwards.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard a familiar whining cry from one of them.  It was the cry of pain, a cry I had only heard when each of my other two dogs had died, a cry as if something was pulling their soul out of their tiny little bodies.  I thought it was the older one, who is about 13 years old and having breathing problems.  When I turned on the lights and saw that it was the baby – actually almost two years old – I died a little inside already.  She lay on her side motionless, her eyes slowly shutting, and the male dog, who is about 10 years old, was hovering over her, sniffing her. 

I picked her up and screamed, “Don’t leave me!” as if I had the power to keep a living being alive simply by saying those words.  I checked her over to see if she was bleeding or had any obvious injuries – there were none, and I massaged her all over in case it was a muscular freak out thing.  She turned her head to me with wide eyes, a questioning look as if to say, “What the hell are you doing?”  I set her down to make her walk and she looked fine.

I couldn’t leave her that morning right away as I suddenly felt guilty her shots weren’t updated and she hadn’t been examined for over a year.  I took her to the vet, and she seemed even more attached to me physically as I drove; she was probably as scared as I was from the whole incident.

The vet guessed that her slipping knee cap had something to do with her falling over that morning.  Pomeranians have a tendency for knee problems but she is the first one of the six I’ve had that had that problem.  He recommended glucosamine (cartilage) supplements to strengthen her knees and to keep an eye on it for it may need surgery in the future.  After establishing that ongoing issue, the vet gave her annual shots while saying she was such a well-behaved dog. 

Well behaved.  Ha!  Did I mention she was the instigator of that rough play with the other dog almost twice her size?  She barks and tries to run after dogs ten times her size when we’re out walking.  A feisty soul lives in that petite little 5-pound frame of hers.  Why does that sound familiar?

Machine Gun Preacher Film Review

Machine Gun Preacher from Ones2Watch4
Link to the organization:  MachineGunPreacher.com

Sam Childers (Gerard Butler) just got out of prison and straight away he’s back into doing the same things he’s always done: drugging, boozing, and committing violent acts. This time, however, his wife has found religion and suddenly he finds inner turmoil. When he reaches a crisis, it is only then that he asks for help and he turns his life around.

Directed by Marc Forster (Monster’s Ball, Quantum of Solace), Machine Gun Preacher chronicles the true life of Sam Childers, a rehabilitated preacher turned savior for the orphaned children of East Africa. With a span of at least 30 years condensed into a little over 2-hour movie, screenwriter Jason Keller (of the untitled Snow White for 2012) managed to maintain a linear timeline even with the constant trips between the Sudan and Pennsylvania.

The story unravels in dual themes. While in Pennsylvania, Childers struggles to maintain his family life with his wife (Michelle Monaghan), daughter, and childhood friend (Michael Shannon) who is still plagued by drug addiction. He manages to create a business and build a church to support his family and his project of building the orphanage in the Sudan. In the Sudan, however, the more he goes the deeper he becomes involved in the fight for freedom and protection of the children of the region, the children orphaned or who have been tortured and abducted to serve as soldiers. It eventually overtakes him and he becomes estranged from his family.

While the film is a bit choppy in terms of scene flow, and you are never quite sure if there is rhyme and reason to all the chaos, the stabilizing and powerful force in the film is Gerard Butler. His passion and drive as Sam Childers bring out the empathy for the plight of the children and bring home the reality of their struggle. He expertly conveys the inner conflict brought on by having to witness the horrors of a war torn region and then coming home to a civilized society. When events become critical, you can feel his desperation and hopelessness, and then the renewal of faith.

Filmed in Africa, you feel the authenticity in the scenery and the people involved. There is enough gun battle and horrific scenes to portray the anguish without overpowering the story. The drawback to the film, however, is that it never manages to reach that climactic peak that the story builds up to, as if there is a final and ultimate resolution. Therein lies the paradox because in reality, the story continues and there is yet to be finality. The struggles of these children still exist and the political barriers that keep them from receiving help still stand.

Even if the film, as an attempt to show the world of this crisis in East Africa, disappoints by standard comparison, it should be taken almost as a documentary but mostly as an informational source to help these children and spread the word. If that isn’t enough reason, then the raw and genuine performance of Gerard Butler is worth the viewing.

Churches / Philippines

I have an affinity for churches, especially old ones with history and cultural influence; it may be because the first six years of my life were spent going to these two churches.

Santa Lucia, Ilocos Sur, Philippines

Santa Maria, Ilocos Sur, Philippines